I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
