i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
