First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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