she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
