Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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