then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
