It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
