Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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