if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Alive.
So much puke
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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