i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
nutella sex= disaster
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
