so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
