Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
