that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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