There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
