Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
