a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
