So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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