u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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