Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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