I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
