it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
