I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
