I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
