Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
