I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
