Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sobbing to NWA
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
