We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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