AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
