the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
