I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
