im drinking this country out of the recession.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
