She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
