when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
