things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
