my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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