The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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