I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
