the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is Oprah even human
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
