You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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