One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
