why didn't you poke me back
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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