At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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