I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
