Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
