Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
