R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
