Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
