i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
