if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
