My underwear smells like fireworks.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
