I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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