sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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