I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize