so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
