oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
