so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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