Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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