Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
