I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
