True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just invented taco cereal.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
