pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
lol hangovers are for mortals.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
