I'm really into asian looking animals
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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