I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
my liver is dry heaving
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
