I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
