I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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