4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm always down for nudity.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
