she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
