he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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