I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
