I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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