I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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