i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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