So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
